Outgoing LIV Golf Commissioner Greg Norman had some unfortunate news for LIV Golf members that’s sure to ruin their holiday season: many of them will have their heads removed by the end of the year.
“As a business, we just couldn’t sustain losing hundreds of millions of dollars a year,” said Norman. “We’re not running a charity. In the last few weeks, it became clear that we had to cut — and I do mean cut — our losses for the 2025 fiscal year. So instead of paying our top guys the millions we owe them, from a dollars and cents standpoint, the prudent thing to do was to eliminate some guys from our employee roster. Is this a bit drastic? No question about it. But my bosses want it done and I think it’s the right decision.
“By the way, it shouldn’t surprise these guys,” said Norman. “It’s in their contracts that they can be subjected to beheadings, hangings, limb removal, tongue cut-outs, eye gouging, and finger cleaving at the sole discretion of Corporate Headquarters in Riyadh. And according to our lawyers, we don’t have to pay dead guys. The lesser well-known guys are safe from losing their heads for now, although we do reserve the right to castrate them if next year’s date harvest doesn’t increase 10% from this year.”
LIV Golfers to Cease LIVing:
