“Golf shaming” has reached epic numbers at MNY Golf Academy in Yeehaw Junction, Florida.
Parents from around the world send their children to MNYGA — where the tuition exceeds $90,000 per year — to give them expert golf instruction with the hope that it will lead to a college golf scholarship … or even a career as a touring professional.
“It’s a very competitive environment here; our students are learning that to achieve success — whether on the golf course or in the business world — you MUST step on the throat of anyone who gets in your way,” said J.J. Johnson, the Academy’s Dean of Throat Stepping.
Tim Maxwell, a 15 year-old from Chaff, Nebraska, dropped out of MNYGA due to the uber-competitive environment. “I mean, it was like, you know, all about winning there at any cost. Our instructors were like Marine Corps drill sergeants. It was like, if they caught you on the putting green with re-finished Pro V1s, they’d get in your face and scream at you in front of the other kids … calling you awful names like Smash-Factor Scumbag … or Shank Face … or Flippy At Impact. It was terrible!
“Like, I mean, the other kids were cruel, too. If you had a bad Trackman session, you’d hear about it later in the dorm: ‘Hey, Timmy, your apex sucks balata dick!’ And your launch angle belongs on the LPGA!’ I couldn’t take it anymore; my parents pulled me out of there and sent me to live with a sport psychologist in Switzerland.”
J.J. Johnson dismisses the abusive environment charges and says, “If these kids don’t learn now that it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there — where back-stabbing and cheating and lying are the norms — wait until they play in their first Member-Guest tournament.”
