Ping, Callaway, TaylorMade, Titleist, XXIO, etc. have been fiddling with club head weight distribution for decades. The theory goes, the more weight you can shift to the perimeter of the face, the easier it will be for high handicappers to get the ball airborne. But after 50+ years of R&D, club designers are stumped. They all agree that perimeter weighting has reached a point of diminishing returns.
Until now.
A research breakthrough has occurred at The Schvantz Institute, an Indian Wells, California urology practice. Dr. Herman Glans, the Institute’s Director and a 3-handicap, made an amazing discovery: most uncircumcised male golfers at his country club had higher handicaps than the circumcised members’ members.
“While sneaking peeks in the shower at my country club,” said Dr. Glans, “I noticed that most of the lousy golfers had their foreskins intact. That made me wonder if the foreskin’s extra weight was somehow inhibiting the golfer’s swing. “I approached sixteen high-handicappers in the grill room with this proposition: ‘If you could lower your handicap to a 5 or less, would you agree to be circumcised … no questions asked?’ All of them agreed.
“In fact, a scuffle broke out as to who would be the first to undergo the procedure. I flew in a specialist from Brooklyn, Rabbi Moshe Miurawitz. He’s a certified mohel; been in the business for 30 years and has thousands of skins under his belt.”
After the 6-week recovery period, Dr. Glans sent out all sixteen “cut” golfers to compete in an 18-hole tournament played under strict USGA rules. To a man, their individual scores were lowered by 14-19 strokes! The exclamations of joy emanating from the Coachella Valley could be heard from as far away as San Diego.
Dr. Glans and Rabbi Miurawitz are planning to market their discovery to the GMs at the nation’s Top-100 private golf clubs. “There is no better way to retain members than to transform high handicappers into low handicappers,” said Dr. Glans. “Foreskin removal also permits the club to create a new revenue source: the yearly Member-Dismember Tournament. Rabbi Miurawitz likes to joke that it’s the kind of competition where ‘everyone has made the cut.’ And I honestly believe that when you lose the hood, your golf gets good.”
