Years ago, it was difficult not to see a golf touring pro wearing an ion wrist bracelet.
Manufacturers were confident that the bracelets produced negative ions which could, in some cases, reduce the positive ions that might present themselves during a crescent moon and afflict golfers of a particular genetic makeup with possible assorted physical ailments including arthritis, tendinitis, back pain, and fill-in-the-blank-here-itis.
These days, one is hard-pressed to see ion wrist bracelets on tour. What happened? Why have these miraculous, health-supporting products disappeared from the wrists of the world’s top golfers?
Franklin Dewbyus, Executive Director of the Eye On Ions trade group explains:
“As you know, our negative ion bracelets went on the offensive to seek out and destroy the positive ions that were wreaking havoc with the well-being and livelihoods of professional golfers. We’re proud to say that with so many touring pros wearing our ion bracelets, we were successful in bringing about the extinction of positive ions in tournament golf. Naturally, without the harmful positive ions propagating like bunnies in the atmosphere, pro golfers no longer had a reason to wear our protective bracelets. We understand and accept that. Moreover, we take great pride in making this important contribution to world health in general and golf health in particular. We believe that the ion wrist bracelet’s legacy is right up there with the polio-destroying Salk vaccine of the 1950s.
“However, we are not resting on our laurels with the unparalleled success of ion wrist bracelets. Going forward, in reaction to LIV Golf’s polarizing affect on professional golf, we are developing a GPS electric shock device to prevent PGA Tour players from entering Saudi air space. An unnamed PGA Tour executive has told us that the Tour is ‘very excited’ about this product and is looking forward to seeing it brought to market.”
