Go out and playeth golf,
Oh, shepherd with thy crook,
“Hit thy baby fade,” I cry,
“Be gone, ye wretched hook!”
Sell thy land and all you own
Then go to Pebble Beach.
And know the 5 pars are the holes,
Mere mortals cannot reach.
And then traverse to Pinehurst,
And playeth No. 2.
Know well that those inverted greens,
Will make a fool of you.
With haste return to Bandon Dunes,
Procure thyself a visor.
Thy silver coins are most desired,
By owner Michael Keiser.
Then to Bethpage Black you’ll go,
Ride not, thou be a walker.
And spread thy urine on a tree,
Just like a real Nu Yawka.
Now off you go to Sawgrass!
For 9 bills, thou can play it,
And rinse 5 balls on 17,
Thou stinks; that’s why thou spray it.
