Department of Golf – Golf Lampoon

U.S. To Acquire Scotland

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE President Trump announced today that in addition to acquiring Greenland, he will be making a deal with the United Kingdom to acquire the country of Scotland. Said the President: “When the UK Prime Minister was here a few weeks ago, I told him I wanted to make Scotland the 51st U.S. state by June 1st. I said the Scottish people were tired of living in a losing kingdom ruled by snotty guys ...

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE The Masters Golf Tournament may be canceled, pending review by the Department of Golf’s (DOG) Go-Back-To-Where-You-Came-From division. Sources have told DOG that illegal immigrants have been hired to service the portable toilets used on the grounds of Augusta National Golf Club during the week of its Masters Golf Tournament. Deputy Secretary for DOG Public Affairs Henry Himmler states the following: “We will conduct an investigation of this serious matter. If it turns ...