Tiger Woods – Golf Lampoon

1997 Masters Runners Apprehended

[NOTE: The above video is on a loop and will play continuously until you stop it.] The 1997 Masters is famous for Tiger Woods winning the tournament by an incredible 12 shots with a winning score of 270 … 18 strokes under par. Tiger was cruising to his historic win when he hooked his tee shot on the 18th hole, sending the fans-I-mean-patrons running … running after his errant shot. One of Augusta National Golf ...

“Tiger Woods has been in violation of a USGA Rule for his entire professional career.” So claims a medical supplies distributor — REDACTED — in an affidavit obtained by Golf Lampoon’s Investigative Division. Here is the rule in question: Use of Tape, including Kinesiology Tape (Rule 4.3) In general, tape or similar coverings (including kinesiology tape) may be used for medical reasons, provided it is not used in an excessive manner and the Committee is ...

The unthinkable has occurred: Masters Tournament champion Tiger Woods has been banned from the event he’s won five times. The powers-that-be at Augusta National Golf Club were shocked when the photo shown here appeared on Tiger’s Instagram feed. It reveals Tiger to be in Augusta’s clubhouse, being measured by the club’s tailor, Parath Navagthuyen. Golf Lampoon has learned that Navagthuyen was questioned about the photo and told club officials that Tiger had demanded that he ...

Tiger Woods “moves the needle.” When Tiger plays in a golf tournament, several things occur: All of the above spells M-O-N-E-Y. When Tiger plays, the golf world cashes in. But now that Tiger plays so infrequently, that cash cow ain’t giving milk. This has led to the creation of an exploratory committee called Tiger At Any Cost or TAAC. Over the last year, TAAC has been working with some of Silicon Valley’s most talented Artificial ...

Ellen Simpson’s new book, “Tiger’s Twirl Girl,” reveals her extraordinary relationship with a young Tiger Woods. Ms. Simpson was the Redondo Beach, California 1972 Majorette of the Year. After graduating from the Lon Chaney School of Cosmetology in 1974, she was unable to find employment as a makeup artist in the film industry. “I was a great baton twirler and people were always asking me to show them how to twirl. So I thought, ‘Hmm, ...

Rolex CEO Konrad Bezel announced today that Rolex will award an Oyster Perpetual GMT Master II Men’s Watch (suggested retail price: $17,990) to the player who completes his U.S. Open round at Pebble Beach in 4 hours or less. Said Bezel: “We’re thrilled and excited to provide one of our classic timepieces to the fastest golfer in the field. Similar to the U.S. Open, Rolex has always stood for precision and quality. We are also ...

The International Mega-Yacht Association is steaming mad. Its Executive Director, Evan Keel, had this reaction to the conclusion of yesterday’s Hero Challenge golf tournament in Albany, The Bahamas: “Frankly, we were shocked at the size of the yachts displayed during the television broadcast. We had an agreement with the Albany marina to moor only vessels that were at least 500 feet long. Instead, the viewing audience had to endure the sight of “starter boats” that ...

Patrick Reed created a “sand storm” last week with his Hero World Challenge waste area antics. He’s provided ample “bulletin board” material for the International Team at the 2019 Presidents Cup. And the partisan Australian fans surely will hound Reed throughout the four days of the tournament. Captain Tiger Woods announced he will be Reed’s partner to deflect some of the pressure that’s sure to follow Reed at Royal Melbourne. In addition, Woods initiated his ...