USGA – Golf Lampoon

Tiger Woods: USGA Rule Breaker?

“Tiger Woods has been in violation of a USGA Rule for his entire professional career.” So claims a medical supplies distributor — REDACTED — in an affidavit obtained by Golf Lampoon’s Investigative Division. Here is the rule in question: Use of Tape, including Kinesiology Tape (Rule 4.3) In general, tape or similar coverings (including kinesiology tape) may be used for medical reasons, provided it is not used in an excessive manner and the Committee is ...

Jason Gore has left the USGA — where he was Managing Director of Player Relations — and signed on with the PGA Tour as a Senior VP and Player Advocate. Gore said that “I enjoyed comforting unhappy touring pros when I was at the USGA. Guys who didn’t like how we set up the U.S. Open venues needed shoulders to cry on and I was proud to assume that role. But at the end of ...

LPGA Commissioner Michael Whan was named this past week to replace Mike Davis as the USGA’s CEO. Whan has hit the ground running as evidenced in the press release below. FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Michael Whan, in one of his first acts as the newly-installed CEO of the USGA, is committed to addressing one of the issues that has plagued past U.S. Open championships: whining. “We’ve all witnessed male touring pros whining and pouting on the ...

Phil Mickelson has denounced the USGA’s CEO Mike Whan’s slow-play initiative as “yet another dick move.” Last week Whan announced how the USGA will deal with pokey players at next month’s US Open at the Los Angeles Country Club: “Rolex, our corporate partner, will have its iconic 20-foot-high clock positioned near the first tee box at LACC. When one of our walking officials determines that a player is 15 minutes behind the group in front ...

Yesterday’s second round of The Northern Trust saw Rory McIlroy receive a two-shot penalty for touching what he thought was a loose impediment in a bunker. The penalty was later rescinded and McIlroy’s reputation for impeccable honesty was restored. That is, until this morning. A disturbing photo emerged on Twitter of McIlroy and his caddie at Coney Island earlier in the week. When viewed under an electron microscope, McIlroy can be seen testing the beach ...

Rolex CEO Konrad Bezel announced today that Rolex will award an Oyster Perpetual GMT Master II Men’s Watch (suggested retail price: $17,990) to the player who completes his U.S. Open round at Pebble Beach in 4 hours or less. Said Bezel: “We’re thrilled and excited to provide one of our classic timepieces to the fastest golfer in the field. Similar to the U.S. Open, Rolex has always stood for precision and quality. We are also ...

Golf Channel’s Blair O’Neal competed in the celebrity division of last week’s Diamond Resorts Tournament of Champions. She finished a respectable 6th in a field of 47 male golfers … while in her 6th month of pregnancy. Several ex-professional athletes in the field grumbled that O’Neal was anchoring her putter in her “baby bump.” That would be a violation of USGA Rule 14-1b. One NFL Hall of Famer declared, “She made everything she looked at ...