BREAKING: Golf Lampoon gives you the inside story behind tour pros who “point and putt.”
We’ve been led to believe that some sort of green-reading system was being employed by these players. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” says retired gastroenterologist Dr. Perry Stahlsis. Here is an excerpt from our exclusive interview with Dr. Stahlsis:
“I’m a member at several clubs in the U.S., the U.K., and Tasmania so trust me, I know golf and I know golfers. A few years ago when this ‘point-and-putt’ system was being bandied about, I just shook my head and laughed. With over four decades in private practice — and as a Diplomate Emeritus of the American Board of Gastroenterology — I knew exactly what was going on with these tour players.
“The tiny, halting steps on the putting green … the ‘stopping and straddling’ … the anguished facial expressions … these are the telltale markers of a person who needs to evacuate his or her bowels.
“As for the ‘pointing,’ the touring pro is using his fingers to tell his/her caddie that he/she is in distress and needs to find a waste-deposit unit — what the layperson might refer to as a ‘Johnny-on-the-Spot’ — immediately after putting out.
“The finger signaling is merely a numeric identification system with which we are all familiar”:
- One finger = I gotta go like Secretariat!
- Two fingers = Uh-oh, here comes Mt. St. Helens!
- Three fingers = That’s the last time I have a Burrito Supremo and 3 coffees for breakfast!
