FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
President Trump announced today that in addition to acquiring Greenland, he will be making a deal with the United Kingdom to acquire the country of Scotland.
Said the President: “When the UK Prime Minister was here a few weeks ago, I told him I wanted to make Scotland the 51st U.S. state by June 1st. I said the Scottish people were tired of living in a losing kingdom ruled by snotty guys in London. Everyone at my golf course near Glasgow — Trump Turnberry — says they would love to leave the UK and live in a country called Trumpland.
“You know, Trump Turnberry is the best golf course in Europe — maybe the world, some people say — and it’s a disgrace that the R&A won’t hold an Open Championship there. And when Trumpland becomes a U.S. state, Americans will be able to travel to Trump Turnberry without needing a passport. Did you know it costs almost $200 to get a passport? That’s an outrage! When you fly to Trumpland, you’re gonna immediately have that cash to spend at the Trump Turnberry pro shop. We’ve got the best logo stuff in the world!
“I’m trying to do this deal with the Prime Minister like a gentleman. I offered his citizens free dental care for one year if he moves on this deal quickly. But I’m not gonna wait forever. If he won’t make a deal, I’ll talk to my guys at the 101st Airborne.”
