As everyone knows, the “LIV” in “LIV Golf” represents, in Roman numerals, “54.” Which refers to the number of no-cut, shotgun-start holes played in a LIV Golf happy-fun-time-get-together-jamboree.
Most folks don’t know that by removing the “LI” in “LIV Golf,” you’re left with the Roman numeral “V,” that is, the number “5.” And “5” stands for the 5 golfers who make up LIV Golf’s “V Outreach Squad”: Brooks Koepka, Pat Perez, Sergio Garcia, Patrick Reed, and Bryson DeChambeau.
“We’re thrilled to have these upstanding gentlemen represent LIV Golf as it continues its core mission to grow the game of golf throughout the world,” said LIV Golf spokesperson Aliya Burqatette. “Although I’ve never been alone in the same room with them, I understand that Sergio told one of my minders that he saw my photograph and thought I had nice eyes. So that right there tells you that he’s quite the gentleman.”
The “V Outreach Squad” will be conducting golf clinics throughout the U.S. in 2023. Fans will receive $100 LIV Golf Gas gift cards with every $25 purchase of an official LIV Golf hat. After the traditional 8:00 am goat slaughtering at the driving range, lay back on some hand-crafted, artisan Oriental rugs and enjoy the entertaining musings of Messrs. Koepka, Perez, Garcia, Reed, and DeChambeau:
- Brooks Koepka — “I Won Some Majors So I Don’t Have to Talk to You Assholes”
- Pat Perez — “Don’t Know Why They Choose Me But Fuck It, I’ll Take It!”
- Sergio Garcia — “Dry Mouth in the Desert? You Can Still Spit in the Cup!”
- Patrick Reed — “Shoveling Sand Dunes for Fun and Profit”
- Bryson DeChambeau — “How to Make Delicious Protein Shakes with Camel Milk!”
Aliya Burqatette makes it clear that girls and women are welcome to appear discretely at all LIV Golf clinics. “We’ve arranged for persons with XX chromosomes to meet at each golf course’s cart barn. There they’ll learn the fundamentals of driving a golf cart … a GAS-powered golf cart. Electric golf carts are for the wicked and non-believers.”
