Greg Norman is out as LIV Golf’s Commissioner. Golf Lampoon caught up with him at the Saudi tour’s H.R. department as Norman was turning in his executive bathroom key. He took a moment to speak with us — exclusively — about a problem close to his heart: slow play.
“My bosses in Saudi Arabia made it clear from Day One that slow play wasn’t going to be tolerated,” said Norman. “They convinced me to use some of their traditional techniques for getting guys to giddyup on the golf course. Did we cut off some fingers and hands? No question about it. Burying guys up to their heads in a sand dune infested with fire ants? Absolutely.
“Turning off the air conditioning in their Riyadh hotel rooms when it’s 125 degrees outside? Yup. Tough measures for sure but you know what? … guys got around the course in about 45 minutes. The only slow poke was Sergio Garcia, who for reasons I still don’t understand, had to spit in every cup. Still, it took him only 1 hour to play 18 holes.”
Would these harsh measures be acceptable for U.S. tournament play? Norman thinks Americans might be squeamish about gouging out the eyes of a player who takes 6 hours to complete a round. So he’s come up with a “gentler/kinder” method to attack slow play. He calls it The Great White SHOCK System.
Says Norman: “You know how in the Open Championship there’s a dedicated rake guy in every group? His only job is to rake the bunkers. The Great White SHOCK System uses a similar method: one person is assigned to each group — we call him The SHOCKER! He’s armed with a stop watch and a cattle prod. If a player takes more than 10 seconds to hit a shot, The SHOCKER! zaps him with the cattle prod. Believe me, after getting hit with 9,000 volts, that player will freakin’ FLY around the golf course.
“If we can get the PGA Tour and the USGA to implement The Great White SHOCK System, you’re going to see slow play obliterated once and for all. Augusta National and the Masters, however, will be a tougher sell. No doubt about it. They have those rules about no running, no discussing the purse amount, and no using cattle prods unless accompanied by a member.”
