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Hank Haney & Kim Jong Un
Hank Haney’s recent controversial remarks about Korean golfers on the LPGA Tour caught the attention of the Supreme Leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un. His father, the late Kim Jong-Il, once carded a 38-under-par score of 34 at ... Read more
PGA Tour Targets GITHers
PGA Tour representatives will be at Bethpage State Park (Black Course) for the 2019 PGA Championship. “We’ll approach fans who yell ‘Get in the hole!’ — we call them GITHers — and offer them a free introductory $20 bet ... Read more
Golf And Canine Design
Here are three problems facing the golf industry: 1.) Not attracting new customers2.) High-tech equipment is rendering “short” golf courses obsolete3.) Building and maintaining new golf courses is expensive These problems can be eliminated once and forever with Canine ... Read more
Michelle Wie’s Wee One
Congratulations to Michelle Wie and Jonnie West! They’re expecting a baby girl this summer and Nike, Wie’s longtime sponsor, has stepped up to “brand the ka-ka out of this kid.” Thus declared Larry Muscatel, Nike’s VP of Embryonic Affairs. ... Read more
Armed Drones At Masters
In a cost-cutting measure, Augusta National Golf Club will be reducing its Pinkerton guard corps by REDACTED% at this year’s Masters Tournament. Golf Lampoon has learned that drones — equipped with state-of-the-art cameras and patron-seeking missiles — will be ... Read more
FedEx Cup Champ Gets $85 Million
Good news for the touring professionals contesting 2025’s race for the FedEx Cup: the winner’s share is being increased from $25 million to $175 million. FedEx Senior VP for Marketing, Dee Lever, explained that the TV ratings for Scottie ... Read more
USGA Rules On Pregnancy
Golf Channel’s Blair O’Neal competed in the celebrity division of last week’s Diamond Resorts Tournament of Champions. She finished a respectable 6th in a field of 47 male golfers … while in her 6th month of pregnancy. Several ex-professional ... Read more
Seth Waugh Gets Free Checking
“I look forward to getting into the field to engage with our members, learn more about the issues that matter most to them, and look for ways to enhance their careers and lives.” Thus spoke Seth Waugh — the ... Read more
Miguel Ángel Jiménez or Hee-men-ETH?
Miguel Angel Jimenez won thee Meethubishi Electric Championship and thee television broadcathters are een a teezy: How een thee hell do you pronounth theeth guyth name? Eeth eet Hee-men-EZ … or Hee-men-ETH? Golf Lampoon athed veteran broadcathter Lanny Wadkeenth ... Read more
2019 Be Bitched Up!
The great American song lyric — mastered by giants such as Lorenz Hart, Oscar Hammerstein, Irving Berlin, and Cole Porter — is alive and well. Rapper NoSenz (pictured here) puts his artistic touch on this year’s No.1 golf rap ... Read more
